yay! cny so fun! went chalet and had sooo much fun. had steamboat in the late afternoon, then went to play pool, then went to blade at night, erm, midnight i mean. went back to the chalet and slept. so shaung. but the room damn cold, the air-con was on for like one whole day le. then slept till 8 liddat, woke up, went for treatment. then went home do hw. then went back there for bbq! yummy! got lotsa fooood! but cant finish sia. i helped to bbq oso, hope i dun make uncooked food that's all. lolx. =P. lalalala. got ang pows! =D *ching²* but so sianx loh. once school starts, its back to the whole day do hw, study kinda life. but that's sec four life ba. but who set the rules? who said sec four life must be liddat? no one ever set such rules, so why should we? must we follow the crowd? cant we do something different from others? who said we HAFTA face the cruel facts? sometimes, running away is not bad a choice too. oh well. oh! did i said i gambled a lot during cny but won only one buck? lolx. ok, shall sign off here, tatax~

yong jian qiang lai yan shi cui ruo, zhe huo xu jiu shi xian zai de wo ba.

ahhh!! feeling sooo much better now. listened to jiam's advice, fa1 hui1 president de wei1 yan2. i scolded those ppl. though im very angry oso, but dunnoe why, felt so relieved that i finally kai1 kou3 le. then today, the concert went rather smoothly. it ended damn quickly loh. one hour earlier than expected. lolx. wadeva la.
went for reunion dinner with my uncle and auntie from my dad's side yday nite. my uncle booked a place for recreation or something. we cooked ( in fact is 'they', refering to the adults, not 'we' =P) the food and brought there to eat. there got pool, mahjong room and karaoke room (more like a tv room), got a nice place to eat the dinner and stuff. had a great dinner, then went to play pool. actually, i nv played tt before, i only play those online kind. the actual thing is quite tiring leh, coz the position and all, somemore still needta aim. but its fun la. i managed to almost win a game or 2. haha, but i lose all la. nvm la, who cares. oh, i was playing with my kor, then my dad wanna play noe, so let him take over me. gosh!!! din noe my dad sooo pro in poool!! lolx. his aiming and all are so accurate. almost all the balls he aimed went down! *shocked* cant tell sia. lolx. my dad won my kor and sis! haha. wah, my new idol! lolx. oh ya, my this cousin, really hated him sia. he whole day down there hao lian-ing away. thinking that he very pro in everything, and whole day saying his sis cant make it and stuff. thinking that his the best. maybe coz he's the only son. but his parents oso cannot liddat zong4 rong2 ta1 ma. haix. i really pity his sis manx. anyway, had a great time playing pool and stuff till like 11+. reached home at 12+ almost 1 le. and the nx day still got sch -_-.
after the concert thingie, we cleared the stuff, and were forced to take oranges home =S. went to looked for ppl in class, found gg and all. so went out with them. went gg's house play bball, but i simply sat at the side to watch, haha. cant play sia. sianx. left at ard 1, went home. was supposed to go for treatment, but i remembered the timing wrongly, so in the end nv go =X. i slept from 2 to ard 4.. so tired loh. dunnoe y. then started to help out with spring cleaning. esp my room sia. cleared till quite late, coz its a bit messy loh =X. haha. then had reunion dinner again! lolx. so full. then after that, i continued to clear my stuff, esp my postcards. got so much, but i seldom write letters lately leh. so gave them all to my kor, since he wanna decorate his room's wall with postcards (though he still din do much with those he collected earlier). i so tired!! aiya, my sis wanna use, shall end off here, happy cny!! tatax~

ku guo le, hao duo le. ke shi hai shi hen luan hen luan.

depression. i cant cope any longer. wad on earth is going on right now? wad's happening to me? i dunnoe wad to do, can anyone enlighten me? anyone? anyone out there? im feeling so stressed up, im gonna burst soon. i am in a total mess right now, and i cant organise my time properly. i dunnoe how to. maybe shud heed jiam's advice, but really am lost. i need someone to guide me out of this maze. i realised the cheerful me, is not the real me. i had been putting up this mask for a very long time, or maybe for this month. i dun wanna show the depressed me to others. its none of their business, then why shud i influence them too? but i cant take it anymore. its getting heavier. i need to get these emotions out. and the only thing i can do is write it out. but who will ever reply to all these questions? thnx for the advices from jiam and cheering me up. thnx wx for cheering me up. tatax~

hahaha! today quite fun! it was the cca fair! went for treatment in the morning, then went school after lunch.. set up stall and everything. put up the trophies, the board, table cloth, blah~.. it was quite boring at 1st, coz i din wanna bluff ppl into our cca mah, its a bit mean to tell them that cl is 'VERY' interesting and fun noe. i couldn't bring myself to say it out. so i stayed behind the board, and coloured the chopsticks. haha. made a really nice one, and i brought it home. bleahx. but i got chased out by my vice pres. she wanted me to persuade ppl to join cl.. wad the. but anyway, i did la. got used to it after sometime, persuaded quite a lot of ppl to sign up for audition =P. but i din say that cl is fun lah. i just said that, joining cl will not be very stressful and the time is very flexible and stuff, then they'll have more time for studies. its quite true noe. just that i slacked my time away. bad me. oh YAH! we bluffed them noe. as in the sign up list. i wrote the list starting with 21 instead of 1! then they'll think cldds very popular, and they'll wanna join! lolx. but the result no bad lah, got 21 ppl signed up. at least i think its not bad =P.
oh, the sec ones kept dropping stuff at my stall. i found a guzheng and red cross souvenier. so fun. kept them all. took a lot of sweets from yiting, tricia and samantha =D. nice! oh, took a dragonfly from my own stall, hahaha. and took those knots from pearly. wad a fruitful day =P. took lotsa stuff home. and more sweets. after the exhibition, packed things up, cleared the stall and stuff.
and that stupid yvette! sprayed water at mee! then we started the water fight. i got a lil wet noe. hmf, but it was fun =P. bought drinks and went home. exhibition's over, left with cny concert. hurry get over it, so that i can concentrate with my studies. *yawnx* a bit sleepy. think i played too much just now =P. shall sign off here, tatax~

Aries Horoscope for : Thu 08, January 2004 : You want to establish a solid foundation, but aren't sure how to proceed. Make following your dreams your first priority, and everything else will fall into place. Whether that means finding a job that will allow you to pursue your goals, or making necessary adjustments to your home life is immaterial. Once you know where you're going, you'll stop feeling so vulnerable. Lean on your loved ones for support. Be alert...

hmmmm.. true..

didnt have like time to come online for a week already. i din touch the comp at all. this is something that is very cruel to me noe. this week. went through 2 days of depression. that was like so bad. it was the starting 2 days of school, i think. i was sooo lost. i din noe wad's going on in my life. i felt so lost. i just wanna cry. haix. finally, there's some homework for me to do. can use it to fill up my time. but suddenly become very busy. i cant breathe. i feel kinda stressed. i just wanna take a small break every now and then. i just want some time to take a nap, for me to rest. can i? please?
well, i had a great nap yday, just b4 the discussion session with xinlin, liting and teck. felt much better. i slept just now oso. slept for 15min. then my dad woke me up, asked me how to use the fone's camera. then he went off to drive taxi. im left at home, all alone. i suddenly felt very lonely. i realised i hate this feeling. in fact im afraid of being lonely. i realised tt everytime i hears someone unlocking the gate, i hear someone coming home, i would be very happy. i would be smiling. im afraid of being lonely, afraid of the feeling of emptiness. i suddenly felt like crying. just wanted to let everything out. that time jj asked wad i would alone. come to think of it. things that i do alone, is not only go online and watch tv. more like to cry alone, and not wanting ppl to see me doing so.
had had quite a lot of hw today. hafta do them later le. oh well. finish them the earlier the better. then i'll have time to read up on tml's lessons, then can go and sleep early. maybe is i not enuff sleep that's why i had been feeling down. all these happen only when im alone noe, i just realised. think i need some company ba. haix. dunnoe la. shall sign off here. tatax~

had chem diag. test on the 29th. how? think im gonna fail. haha. then after that, went ktv with my cousins. so fun. those little cousins were singing nursery ryhmes when i reached. hahaha. after that, was abt 6.30pm. rushed to tp to meet teck, jj they all. met xinlin on the way. we almost ran there, coz we thought we were late. then in the end only the 2 of us, liting, teck and jj. but jj came out with this idea. i think its very good lo. i like it! think its getting interesting =D. next day morning, went for treatment, after that, went home. wasnt feeling very well. had fever and everything. all those tt usually come along with fever. irritating. think i got infected from my dad. haix. slept almost the whole day. then i took my temperature. it shot up to 39 deg. so my kor brought me to see doc. but i think is coz its too stuffy loh. not coz of the fever. i was sleeping in bed, with 2 blankets on. when i woke up, i was so bloody hot. i was sweating. but nvm. see doc oso good. but by the time its my turn to see the doc, my temp dropped to 37.9 deg. haha. took the medicine, went home to sleep again. then yday evening, went arvin's house to countdown. met huitian at kovan mrt station. so we tried walking to his house. but got lost! lolx. called him and his mum came and drove us to the house there =P. i did look at the map at the mrt noe. but i forgot part of it. hahaha =P. anyway, actually, i think its quite boring, other than the mahjong part. but after sometime oso quite sians. all the ppl all dunnoe one. all the hkhk ppl all sat down to play mahjong. hahaha. we all just love to gamble la =P. everytime at hk oso play daidee all those game. after the countdown, played mahjong, while waiting for my kor to come and fetch me home. reached home quite late. im quite tired, though i din do much. dunnoe y. hahaha. hmmmm. maybe next year, shud plan something nice. like bbq for the countdown. like at estcoast? hmmm. then can count the stars. haha. though s'pore like not much stars for u to count. haix. ok la, gtg finish piah-ing my hw le =S. tatax~